Six Types of Writers on the Internet

Hallo, people of the writing world (and anyone else who happened to come this week)! I’m afraid I don’t have anything fancy today. Some major changes to a WIP plus a new school semester have taken up much of my time… but then I couldn’t just leave everyone hanging, so I wrote a quick, funny little post that will help us get through the week. Here are six kinds of writers you can find almost anywhere on the internet- and for the record, I see a bit of all of them in myself, so someone else is bound to find them relatable too. Enjoy…

The self-pubbed teen

Probably published one full-length YA novel, three fairy tale retellings, and five hundred blog posts while working two day jobs, all before graduating high school. No one knows how these teens do it, but there has been talk of sorcerous tricks. After all, these people are usually homeschoolers; no one really knows what they do during the school day. Hmm…

The social media guru

Defined by a tweet:

Just wrote 500 words with only one cup of coffee 😂😂😂 lol I love my #writerslife! #amtweeting

The snowflake activist

Except he/she/it isn’t actually a snowflake, but rather a forty-something trying to fit in with the millennials by writing blog rants about perceived injustice. Activists have the rare skill of finding something offensive in every single book and are thus impossible to satisfy. The activists: proudly exposing every brand of istphobia since 1970. Writing optional.

The marketer

Similar to the guru, except that marketers tweet, post, and pin for the sole explicit purpose of getting you to buy their books. Attention, interest, desire, action… every rule you learned in your sophomore business class comes into play with this writer. You can click the link to learn all about this new book, and you should totally enter this giveaway for a chance to win it. Heck, there’s probably even a Twitter account and hashtag devoted to snippets and promotional banners.

The whiner

Isn’t everyone (read: yours truly) guilty of this? So much trouble with a particular WIP or character. Cannot even function after a long day of work. Has no time to write. Sympathy-seekers always have either an extreme case of writer’s block or a truckload of feels; there is no in between, and nothing good ever happens to them in their tortured artistic pursuits.

The self-conscious Literature major

#writing is a real job #it’s bleeping hard #I am not required to live up to your expectations of a so-called “real job” #because writers are a whole new level of human beings #our imaginations are deep and refined #places where reality is translated into possibilities and what-ifs #and without writers your life would be meaningless as bleep #so I am not defined by your opinion of my writing #which is why I took the time to write this very long and insecure tumblr post #and if you can’t appreciate my magnificence #try writing your own bleeping book #get back to me when you finish draft one #dropping the mic

That’s all, folks! Do you fit in any of these categories, or is there a seventh kind of writer that I neglected to mention? Chat in the comments!

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